Sometimes its possible to just feel ‘not quite right’, not sick as such just ‘out of sorts’ . If , like me, you suffer from anxiety based illnesses it’s possible (I find, as I can only talk from experience), to find it difficult to judge whether you are ‘sick’ or feeling ‘down’ and as such, feel sick. That doesn’t mean that ‘down’ is not a valid sickness, it’s just whether the symptoms derive from the anxiety or from something else like a virus or bug or allegy or something more sinister.
This whole week I’ve felt sick. Really tired, thick head, wheezy. I’ve not been sick or rushing to the loo but my stomach is definitely very upset. It gurgles and complains constantly. Its windy and acidy and intolerent of anything it receives (gross, graphic and not particularly lady-like, sorry!). Now I know I have a small hiatus hernia (very common , nothing to worry about), I also know I have to take medication for acid reflux and in the past have been treated for an oesophagal ulcer. I also aware that when I overdo it I ‘fade’. I kind of shut down. I don’t want to go out, I can’t face work and my brain struggles to focus. My head and body feel weighed down and sluggish.
Whatever the ‘real’ reason, the facts are that my head aches, I’m tired. I’ve slept every afternoon this week and most of yesterday. My stomach is genuinely ‘not right’. But would I feel better if I just got out there and weeded someones garden a bit (as a job not just for the hell of it!); or got out my sketch pad and started producing drawings for the commissions I have waiting; or started cutting glass for a commission already agreed; or did my tax return; or got my head around the catering order for next weeks Sunday lunch… Maybe just the list is too long and I need to breathe and focus…..
….Or maybe I do really just need to go and have another little lie down
So, why do I feel a ‘fraud’ when I feel ‘sick’? I think its because my feelings of wellness and my drive and enthusiasm and focus swing wildly from day to day; sometimes morning to afternoon; and sometimes I know to work through it and I do and its fine. Sometimes I think I know to work through it and I do and its not fine I go into a decline. SOMETIMES I make the descision that its a bug and rest and then wonder if I’d feel better if I just got on with it and the slouching around is a catalyst for feeling more ‘sick’.
So the question is, is it just me or is it you too? Do you worry about these things? When do you know it’s ‘sick’ and time to see a doctor, or ‘sick’ and recognising the need to slow down? Or ‘sick’ and you just need to give yourself a good kick up the backside?